The first day of orientation was long. We worked from about 7am to 6pm.
Orientation leaders are flight attendants with manual labor duties: we smile, answer questions, give directions, mingle, smile some more, answer more questions, give peppy speeches, and haul tables and chairs throughout the law school.
I started the day as a greeter, and several of my 1L twitter followers and blog readers introduced themselves – which is always great when they don’t pelt me with oranges.
Although I don’t really know what the etiquette is for those conversations:
1L: “Hi! I’m one of your twitter followers!” Me: “Hi! Great! Welcome to Minnesota law! Hopefully I haven’t given any bad advice!” 1L: “Oh no, I love your updates.” Me: “Thanks!” 1L: “…” Me: “Well, welcome!” 1L: “Okay, I’m going go over there now.”
The problem is that I do not know how much a reader has read, and I don’t want to presume any knowledge. And of course I usually have NO idea who the reader is, so the conversation is inevitably awkward.
From now on, I will just encourage people to add me to facebook and throw their blog links my way (if they have one) so I can put a face to a username. And I think more UMN students should blog. But that’s another rant…
We also had a sassy Texan-Minnesotan keynote speaker who emphasized a theme that most of the orientation leaders stressed throughout the day: “Do what is right for you.”
Isn’t that annoying advice?
A more concrete iteration of the theme is, “Status does not create self confidence. So if you do something solely for the prestige, you will likely still be self-conscious and miserable.”
Or,
“It takes far more courage to do what is right for your lifestyle, goals, and values rather than parrot your peers’ goals.”
All that advice is very abstract and nonsensical to the 1Ls. But the 3Ls listening to the keynote lecturer wanted to scream “AMEN!”
They’ll learn in time, hopefully…
I checked my voice mail after orientation. The management company for my apartment building called:
Management: “Hello, the cleaning ladies and tenants complained that the light bulbs in the hallway are burnt out. That’s something the caretaker is supposed to do. Stop failing at this. Thanks.”
So I jet to the apartment, give a new tenant his keys, and gasp in horror when I see that HALF of the lights in the building are out!
I asked one of the tenants how long the bulbs were out, and he said “Oh, since we moved in!”
And I felt like crap.
But then I realized that he was lying because he moved in two months ago and I gave apartment showings this weekend on that floor and none of the bulbs were out.1 I bet he told the management company that the building was in darkness for months. Ugh.
The day ended with a drive to the suburbs. I needed to tell my boss that my orientation schedule is more time consuming than I expected, and I didn’t want to miss any emails.
After emailing the boss, I called tech support and learned that we have web-based mail too. Woops.
Day 2 of orientation starts tomorrow, as in… 10 hours. Time for bed.
1 The bulbs must have been put it around the same time or something…
I am sprawled on the bathroom floor. Blood is everywhere.
The “no mess” mouse trap that I bought is in fact, very messy. Sure, I cannot see the dead mouse in the trap’s chamber, but the trap is swimming in a pool of blood.
The trap is strategically placed under my bath tub, so I have to crawl on the floor to wipe up the pool of stinky mouse blood. Ick.
Cleaning was the theme of the week. My apartment got the complete pre-semester scrub. I changed the vase water, washed sheets and clothes, and shampooed the carpets.
I also scrubbed my kitchen, replaced tiles, and finally hauled in the tumblers that collected in my trunk during the semester:
Summer also ended on Friday with the start of orientation leader training. Being an orientation leader is a lot of work, but I had a great orientation leader who got my 1L year off to a great start, and I hope I can be as helpful to a fresh batch of students.
I am also thrilled that the law school decided to make my “classroom etiquette session” a formal part of orientation. Last year a few orientation leaders gave an informal etiquette pep talk to the section we were in charge of, and I think the administration noticed that our section had fewer social issues than the others.
The theory behind the etiquette session is that very few people are intentionally gunners/anti-social douchecanoes, and you can prevent much of the unnecessary 1L social awkwardness by just making the social rules that are common-sense to most of us clear to everyone.
A few examples are:
Interrupting other students or the professor during class.
Bragging in its various forms.
Monopolizing class time with obscure hypothetical questions.
Bringing inappropriate, obnoxious, or stinky food to class.
How to respectfully disagree during class discussion.
And much more! We’ll see if the advice takes.
The best part about orientation leader training so far is the mini-golf:
Six or seven different offices in the school set up mini-golf courses for us. We had to answer questions about the office to win points, and the points correlated to the amount of strokes we got. The mini-golf challenge was a great way to learn about the different offices, and made me realize how many offices exist in the school that students have no reason to go to.
We have one more day of training and orientation kicks off 8am on Tuesday, and it will pretty much suck up my entire week (8am-4pm)
…and I’m working 30 hours at the office, some time…this will be interesting.
Ms. Ass: “…I get what he’s saying about names. My parents love me, but my initials are “A.S.S.”
I was only briefly traumatized in 2nd grade when the 5th graders found out… but in undergrad, Bumble University used our initials as our email address. So when applying to law school, I had to get documentation from Bumble U that I did not pick “ASSØØ4@bumble.edu” to be my email.”
Judd: “…was…was that a gunshot?” Me: “Welcome to the neighborhood. Lemme sleep.” Judd: “…WHAT? Aren’t you going to call the police?” Me: “…if I called the police every time I heard a gunshot…” Judd: “But this is RIGHT underneath you…” Me: “I have international tax law at 8:30am. If I call the police I won’t be awake for class.”
Professor W: “What’s so wrong with swearing? The most wonderful word in the English language is that four letter word that begins with “f” and ends with “k.”
Middle Aged Lady: “Can I tell you guys something? When I was young I thought I was special. I thought was really special! I thought I was so special that I thought I would have a virgin birth! And it has taken me 55 years to realize I AM NOT SPECIAL. I AM NOT SPECIAL AT ALL!”
I am giving up on being a Tax Lawyer or a Westlaw attorney and searching craigslist for post-graduation employment as a barback. I am cute, peppy, and will work on the cheap!
I took my exam at the nearby undergrad library because apparently law students need “special permission from the dean” to take law school exams in the law school library’s study rooms.
Most “take-home” exams are 8-hours long and the study rooms are reservable for 6-hour stretches, but heaven forbid that the exam-studiers are deprived of those 2-hours in the study room by someone actually taking an exam…
Anyway, it’s 3:55pm when I race back to the law library to print my exam.
I just spent 7 hours and 45 minutes typing my brains out. I have 15 minutes to turn in the exam that I just spent the entire day on AND I REALIZE THAT I DO NOT HAVE MY STUDENT I.D. TO PRINT!
I am mortified.
I let out a yelp, steam, and start to melt, wicked witch style, into a little mud puddle of fail.
I am right there, helpless, in the middle of the library… a tiny poo-like puddle of fail staining the the library carpet… sing it with me now…
I was only able to print the exam thanks to the magic of our sassy librarian, but I still had to go home to change my diaper afterward. My goodness…
I still haven’t found my student card, but at least Wednesday’s corporate tax law exam is computerized. Hmmf.
The rising number of google search hits I am getting for variations of “Dennis University of Minnesota law student” is probably a good indication that more UMN 1Ls are discovering the website.
Hi.
A few quick things:
This is a personal blog. There’s a handy disclaimer page here. The gist is that the posts on this site are not an official representation of our school. So don’t worry, the excessive dog posts are not negatively impacting the value of your degree. I think?
A semi-exhaustive outline of my first semester experience is here, and an outline of my spring semester is here. The point is that law school is fun and the winter is survivable. Everyone’s experience is unique, but you will survive with the help of coffee and long underbritches.
You can stop the dirt dig before you start. This blog has a steady readership and there’s nothing particularly scandalous on it. The pseudonyms “Jack and Jill” are used to quote about 50 different people, and although the quotes are funny, nothing is embarrassing or malicious.
And if you feel inspired to start your own blog, read over this list first so you won’t get in trouble.
Researching and writing by brief was a lot of fun. What made the spring brief awful was how it terrorized my schedule.
The law school administration and professors seemed completely unaware that the 1L spring brief was due: professors piled on work and the school scheduled tons of ‘special lunchtime events.’
One of these events was a Minnesota Supreme Court oral argument. It was so poorly attended that ushers made us move towards the front so that the law school auditorium wouldn’t look as empty.
I’m glad I went – the Justices were hilarious:
Defendant’s Lawyer: “It wasn’t a long time ago when I was in this very same room but up there, watching these poor lawyers getting grilled…” Justice: “Welcome back!”
Defendant’s Lawyer: “This is an instance where the Plaintiff’s are throwing everything against the wall and seeing what sticks.” Justice: “But Plaintiffs get to that!”
There were several embarrassing moments for both attorneys:
Justice: “This thing you quote on the first page of your brief…I couldn’t find it anywhere in the record. What are you citing here?” Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “Oh, well, that’s a post-it note in my kitchen.” Justice: “What?” Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “I took a call in my kitchen and I wrote notes down on a post-it note. It’s still in my kitchen.”1
Later, the Justices asked the plaintiff’s lawyer to find something else in the record.
Plaintiff’s Lawyer: “It’s in the Holiday Inn parking garage, your honor. I left my copy of the trial testimony in the car. I guess this is a lesson to the students of what to bring to court!”
Indeed.
The defendant’s attorney was also caught in an embarrassing moment when he was asked what the standard of review and procedural posture for the case was. The attorney artfully dodged the question, but one Justice would not let him get away without answering:
Justice: “Wait, you’re not answering my question. I want to hear you say it. What is the standard of review here?”
There was a Q&A session after the oral argument:
Student: “How do you decide who writes the briefs?” Justice: “We arm wrestle!” Female Justice: “And because we are females we always win!” Female Justice #2: “Actually, we prefer Rock, Paper, Scissors.”2
Even though I could have dropped everything to work on my brief, I’m glad I made time to go to the oral argument and CLE class. My theory is that I’m going to be even busier as an attorney, so I can’t get into the habit of dropping obligations and routines every time life gets busy. I think that’s a bad habit to pick up in law school.
This past week felt like a vacation compared with the packed schedule of Week 7.
I forgot how pleasant and breezy law school is when I finish most of my reading the weekend before classes. Holler. I had no major obligations outside of Wednesday’s 6-hour Fee Committee meeting, so I had plenty of time to, well, sleep. I slept in 14-hour stretches. It was glorious.
Thursday was the day of The Crash, when my chair broke in class. It sent both me and a classmate to the floor. Hilarity ensued.
On Friday, it was apparent that half of the school started Spring Break early. Attendance was so bad in Crimlaw that the professor suspended the Socratic method and just asked for volunteers. I spent most of the class ignoring the rants of the other section and coding for the new layout.
And now I start my 1L spring break. Vöt!
1This is paraphrased but yes, the attorney cited a note in his kitchen. It was so shocking that I wasn’t sure I would write about it… 2 The Justices went on to say that the cases are preassigned at the beginning of each term. If a Justice does not have enough votes then the case goes to whomever feels most strongly about it, based on seniority.
Tweet (Feb 14): I think this fee committee paperwork deforested a small country…
Student fees committee hearings dominated last weekend. The public hearing is tomorrow.
I spent a good chunk of time today with the 4-inch-thick brick binder of fees proposals. I also printed off the majority and minority rationales. I probably deforested a small country in the process. Al Gore would not approve…
Last week’s student fees committee debate was “spirited” (in the Nancy Pelosi sense of the word.) Tomorrow’s hearing is going to be a case study in awkward.
Lesson #2: I’m way clumsier than anyone will ever know:
8:39 PM Feb 9th: Chamomile tea bag explosion … non verbal annoyance being expressed in library…
9:46 AM Feb 10th: I’m the one in the corner of the law library covered peanut shells.
8:11 AM Feb 11th: My cologne? It’s called “spilled” and from the House of Maxwell.
7:06 PM Feb 12th: I would break my glasses the night before a 9am interview wouldn’t I?
The left leg from my glass frame snapped Thursday night. This meant the bus ride to my job interview was a blurry affair. After the interview I went to LensCrafters and was robbed.
My salesperson kept telling me I was getting a “great deal” and “massive” discounts. I don’t believe him. The $400 charge on may have something to do with that. My wallet is still wincing.
I bought two pairs of glasses:
Lesson #3: I’m smooth…sort of:
8:25 PM Feb 9th: soda cans open EXTRA LOUD in a library… I pull out the diet mountain dew and the girl across the way looks at me like “DON’T YOU DARE!”…
8:25 PM Feb 9th: The trick is to hold the soda can very low, open it, and then look around like, “who did that?”
Lesson #4: The library is a hot mess:
9:02 PM Feb 10th: I think someone is smoking in the law library… it’s a scented cigar(?) or…
11:25 AM Feb 11th: so he crashes into his seat, slams his books down, and starts picking his skin (and biting nails)… undergrad library = constant amusement
12:05 PM Feb 10th: is waiting for creepy [Wilson Library] Barista to go on break before I get coffee. He called me “sport” then “buddy”…what’s next? I’m scared.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
We want you to know
How much we appreciate you!
Join the Law Library for Valentine’s Treats!
11 am – Cookies & Refreshments
Thursday February 12
Law Library Lobby
Yes, they emailed that.
Free food giveaways are a rule at UMN. The library offers free pizza for surveys and spreads for minor holidays. During finals, the law school provides free coffee.
Last semester I thought the free food was awesome. Now I’m not so sure. I think an encounter with a scale had something to do with it…
UMN is a public school, so the free food is used by random passersby (like the bridge gypsies! ) as much as it is by students. I wish the school would stop spending on food (we don’t need the calories, thanks) and start a building beautification fund, or increase scholarships…
Four years ago, during orientation for undergrad I was told, “You’ll never meet a more interesting and diverse group of people than in college.” This was a lie.
In undergrad diversity was superficially measured by skin color and nationality. The range of experience and talent at law school is far greater than in college. A big chunk of the students in my section are changing careers, have traveled extensively, are married with young children, ie, developed passions and ambitions and done something interesting with their lives.
The conversation at orientation’s social events was seldom dry.
As one of the least experienced, fresh-from-undergrad kids, I at least have the grace of coming from somewhere exotic. But after answering a few Miami questions and getting yet another ominous description of a Minnesota winter, I tend to do more listening.
During orientation day #2 we had breakfast with the section, a few lectures, and then a student activities fair. Yes. We had Canefest: The law school version.
And, like a freshman at UMiami’s Canfest, I signed up for just about everything. My inbox might regret that decision. We’ll see.
I was also on black watch for day 2 of orientation – after day 1, one of my housemates said, “Yeah, you’re the only black guy in our class.”
Me: “Really?”
Housemate #2: “How do you not notice that you’re the only black guy in your section?”
Me: “I don’t sit down and do a headcount. I don’t think like that.
Housemate #1: “Well, I’m pretty sure you’re the only one in the entire class.”
Me: “How in the world…there are like 200+ of us. I’ll check tomorrow. I’m on blackwatch.”
And sure enough, when the entire class assembled in Lockhart Hall, I realized that I’m the only black person in the class. Well – there’s one guy who may or may not be another halfling like me. I’m not sure. Who knows, we may have a few Mariah’s hiding in the class too, but I doubt it.
At the activities fair I went to the Black Law Students table. I met one of the members and said, “Um, yeah. I think I’m it for the class.” He agreed and welcomed me to the club.
On the bright side I’ll probably have an e-board position next year!
And the law school is not devoid of racial minorities. There are several Hispanics, Asian, and East-Indian students and probably others that I haven’t run into yet. The experiences and ideas of my classmates are more valuable than their shade anyway (although 0.5% black student percentage is pretty weak for a top 25 law school.)
Oh, and there was another person signed up on the Black Law Students enrollment sheet. Turns out he’s from Miami but attended the University of Florida. At least I’m not the only Miamian in the class. 305, DJ Khaled and all that jazz. We are global aren’t we?
After the activities fair we had information sessions which were important, but at varying degrees of interest. We then had a section dinner at a local restaurant.
Friday began with a library tour, then a case briefing session. There was then this awkward hour where some people were getting their books and lockers, and those of us who had already done that had nothing to do.
During that sort-of break, Stella (a housemate) and I went to the other bank to the Health Services department to figure out how to cancel our student health insurance. (UMN, like most schools, automatically bills health insurance to all students.) I also picked up some allergy meds at the pharmacy since the generic whatever-they-are-called from Target weren’t working.
We then ran errands at the student union and were about two minutes late to the, DUM DUM DUM Laptop session!
And the law school knows what it’s doing. They waited until the last possible minute to give us those student laptops because the second we got laptops the entire class tuned out.
So I was a bit worried when it wasn’t on the start menu, or available through search…or on the installed programs list… Wtf eh?!?It took one of the computer tech people 10 minutes to find it on my laptop. Hmf.
But apparently I’m the only person in my section who is dependent on Windows Calendar so it was just my problem… dork moment? Maybe.
Afterwards about 8 of us went to Chipotle, and then I went home. I was thoroughly orientated and I wanted to try out the school gym – which is huge but slightly awkward… More on that later because this is way too long.
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