Minneapolis-St. Paul

February 10th, 2010

Plow threat

It snowed a bit yesterday.

Minneapolis Snow Emergency

Both Minneapolis and St. Paul declared snow emergencies. During a snow emergency, certain streets become no-parking zones so the streets can be plowed.

Parking on the wrong street during a snow emergency means a few hours at an impound lot and a hefty fine.

The City of Minneapolis has a parking grid available online. St. Paul doesn’t. This was a problem because Trivia night is in downtown St. Paul, and I did not know if my car was safe because I could not find any “we plow here” signs.

I was scared of getting towed, so I left the bar to move my car to a garage.

The construction in downtown St. Paul and the random one-way streets caused me to spend at least 15 minutes driving in a huge, awkward circle. I ended up on the wrong side of the street several times. The cops got suspicious. It was a disaster.

I eventually found a parking garage near the bar. The garage was underground and looked like a basement from the SAW horror movies. The lighting was dim and the columns were unpainted. Rats somersaulted on the partially flooded floor.

I walked to the pay booth and saw a sign that read “Garage closes at 10pm. Plan accordingly.”

A random middle-aged woman enters the garage and I ask her how one gets into the building after 10pm.

Random woman: “After 10pm? I dunno. Just park in the covered alley.”
Me: “The covered alley?”
Random woman: “Yes. There’s a covered alley right on the side of the building that has parking spaces. It’s always empty. Here, let me show you. Follow me.”

So I let the random woman take me to the abandoned covered alley, and then park.

The “covered alley” is more of a tunnel. It is the kind of tunnel where a jogger finds a burned body on Law & Order. I leave my car with the understanding that I will be killed and eaten upon my return. Thank god Christopher Meloni will find my body and launch an epic investigation sponsored by Johnson & Johnson, a family company.

Trivia night was a sprawling conversation. Jake, Bill, and I exchanged stories until almost 2 a.m.

I then snuck back into the tunnel, fetched my car, and zipped back to Minneapolis, the city of clear parking restrictions.

January 12th, 2010

Viva Miami, welcome Minneapolis

By Jansen |

A community effort

By Jansen |

8 comments

When I returned from the grocery store this afternoon, I noticed a stranded car across the street from my apartment.

I threw my groceries into my apartment, snatched my caretaker’s snow shovel from downstairs, and then ran outside to help excise the jeep.

The African couple in the jeep was screaming at each other and questioning their decision to move to America. We made progress on their car when a plumbing company’s van got stuck on the other side of the street.

Chaos ensued. Snow and smoke flew from the stalled vehicles. The Mexican plumbers cursed in Spanish. The Africans cursed in heavily accented English. A traffic jam developed.

Things looked bad, so I called 311.

Me: “There are stalled cars on both sides of my street. Each car is blocking an alley entrance and a traffic jam is building.”
311 operator: “Okay, so?”
Me: “Uh, well, can you send a tow truck or a plow truck to help? The cars are causing a traffic jam…”
311 operator: “I can send traffic control to give them a ticket.”
Me: “Well, that’s not going to help anyone. And traffic control just drove by and didn’t even stop to help.”
311 operator: “Sir, there’s a snow storm going on. We are busy dealing with real accidents and real emergencies. I can send someone out to give them a ticket, and that’s it. What is the car’s license plate number?”
Me: “Nevermind.”

Click.

People came out of apartments and cars to help push and shovel. Even the Africans briefly stopped worrying about their own car to help push the van.

No progress was happening with the van. Then, suddenly the van lurched backwards and looked like it was going to T-bone the African’s car. There was screaming, but the van managed to stop 2 inches from the driver’s door. The van then slid back across the street and promptly got restuck.

The van driver ran to a nearby apartment building and summoned a small troupe of Mexicans to help him push the van. I then helped the Africans shovel around their car and we eventually got them unstuck.

Between the Mexicans and the other drivers, we had a small mob of people to help excise the van. The van driver was so happy when we freed his van, that he passed around $5 bills to the crowd.

Score!

December 9th, 2009

Snowstorm

By Jansen |

4 comments

NPR said that the snow storm would worsen Wednesday. They used the term “blinding snow” so I figured that I had to go into work yesterday afternoon to avoid the impending whiteout.

I rethought the wisdom of going to work while crossing the Mendota bridge. The snow clung to my windshield and a semi-truck tailgated me Jeepers Creepers-style. I was surely going to die there on that bridge. Who was going to walk Harley?

I made it to work alive and worked for 10 hours.

I considered leaving around 7pm because the building felt abandoned and the snow had picked up – I felt like the lone beachgoer who didn’t get the memo about the typhoon.

After a gchat consultation with a classmate, I decided to stick it out until midnight, and I am glad that I did.

I was shocked by how bright it was outside of the office. A team of caterpillar plow trucks had cleared a pathway to my car, and one of the drivers lit up my car as I defrosted and scraped the windows.

The roads in Eagan were semi-plowed, and the speeding drivers of the afternoon had vanished to the ER.

I made it home before 1am. The next task was walking the much-neglected dog. I put on my gear: snowboots, face mask, 2 pairs of long johns, gloves… and then took Harley outside looking like a Chechen sniper.

Unlike the bitching I got earlier this semester, the dog LOVED the deep snow! He was so excited that I had to take him off the leash because he kept dragging me through the snow as if he was on an audition to become Santa’s next reindeer.

I took Harley to the park this morning so he could continue his frolicking. Pictures are here.

December 7th, 2009

Well, crap.

By Jansen |

One comment

I checked weather.com this morning and let’s just say the “winter storm warning” is in all caps and the word blizzard was mentioned. Maybe we are getting another Snowmageddon?

Good news is that the ~~bullshit~~ storm starts TOMORROW, so I have one day of non-weather-chaos.
Continue reading “Well, crap.” »

November 25th, 2009

Tomorrow, I clean my closets.

By Jansen |

6 comments

The goons are out in the neighborhood tonight.

Harley and I were a few blocks away from my apartment, turning a corner, when I heard a gunshot.

I stood still, watched the street, and had two thoughts:

Shit. My closets are a mess! If I get shot again my mother is going to fly up, and get buried under an avalanche of laundry.
I wonder if I will feel myself fall or if the light will just click off.

After a moment I cautiously continued down the street. Everything was quiet. We were halfway down the block when another shot came from behind the houses. Harley looked up at me like “this is some bullshit.”

And it was.

Once I got to the end of the block, a sketchy guy wearing all black flew around the corner. He clutched something in his coat pocket. I avoided eye contact and kept Harley in a short leash.

Sketch turned into the alleyway, and I made my way to a busier street.

Tomorrow, I clean my closets.

November 25th, 2009

The trash bin calls

By Jansen |

One comment

Further evidence as to why I don’t text and drive – on the way to work today I almost smacked into an industrial sized trash bin that was rolling middle of the highway. It was on the top oart of a hill like an obstruction in Mario Kart.

I did a quick gasp/swerve combo and the person tailgating me did the same.

I then called 311 and got my daily dose of government inefficiency:

311 operator: “Minneapolis 311. How can we help?”
Me: “I’m driving eastbound on highway 62 and almost hit an industrial trash can rolling in the middle of the road. Could you send someone to remove it?”
311 operator: “You’ll have to call 911 for that and tell them to remove it.”
Me: “Okay.”

So I called 911.

911 operator: “911.”
Me: “Uh, hi. I was driving down eastbound highway 62 and almost hit an industrial trash can rolling in the middle of the road. Could you send someone to remove it?”
911 operator: “You’ll have to call highway patrol for that and tell them to remove it.”
Me: “Okay.”

So I was transferred to highway patrol, and about 10 miles away from the trash bin at this point.

Highway Patrol dispatcher: “Highway Patrol.”
Me: “Uh, hi. I was –“
911 operator (cutting in): “Yes we have an obstruction on highway 62 eastbound near 32nd Avenue.”
Me: “Huh?”
Highway Patrol dispatcher: “Before the overpass?”
Me (Wondering if I should be part of this convo): “Well, uh –”
911 operator: “Yes.”
Highway Patrol dispatcher: “What’s going on?”
Me: “Uh, I was driving down eastbound highway 62 and almost hit an industrial trash can rolling in the middle of the road.”
Highway Patrol dispatcher: “We’ll send someone right out!”
Me: “Thanks…”