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December 21st, 2009

Getting it done

It is 8pm. My Conflicts exam is in 12 hours. I feel tired, cranky, and ridiculous.

I haven’t seen my boyfriend in two weeks. He said he was going to come over tonight, but watched a movie with his roommate instead. These are busy times – they live together and haven’t seen each other in a week.

The cream in my coffee tastes off. I look at the “use by” date and it says November 15th. It is December 20th. Epic fail.

Then the dog farts. It smells like rotten mouse.

So I am sitting there – tired, lonely, with undrinkable coffee and unbreathable air. This is not going to work.

I take the dog on a walk. It isn’t so terribly cold, and the air is breathable.

When I come back to the apartment the air is safe again. I dump the coffee and creamer., and pour a fresh cup.

I then sit down, retool the outline, and get it done. 2 more exams and I’m done!

December 20th, 2009

Conlaw Review session

Professor L explained why our exam is eight hours:

Professor L: “The reason I give you eight hour exams is not just sadism. That’s just a part of it! I like people to suffer…”

She then went on to say that the time limit is to give us time to think about, and flesh-out our answers, but that was lost in the nervous laughter.

December 15th, 2009

Exam 2 of 5: Employment law

The employment law exam was 55 questions – 54 multiple choice and 1 essay question.

I knew to worry two days ago when I read the sample multiple choice question for the exam:

In State v. Hennepin County, the majority opinion declined to address the BFOQ issue raised by Justice Coyne’s dissenting opinion because:

  1. Tervo was not otherwise qualified for the detention deputy position
  2. Tervo was not a disabled individual
  3. the County’s uncorrected visual requirement was appropriately job related
  4. lots of people wear glasses
  5. Tervo’s visual deficit could not be reasonably accommodated

The multiple choice questions were nitpicky. That’s the only polite description. It was worse than the tax exam. It felt like they paid someone to stand inside the exam room and deliver a nice, firm, back-handed bitchslap to us while screaming, “You thought this class was easy huh?! WRONG!”

Anyhoot, another one down… now on to Real Estate law…

November 28th, 2009

MacGyver and the art of ass busting.

It is easy to fall into a funk during finals.

Joel and I had a conversation about law school on the way home from Thanksgiving dinner. It was a familiar whine-fest and the gist was:

“It’s funny how law schools don’t tell prospective students how irrelevant “prestige” is or how shitty our employment prospects are. This is something you realize halfway through, when you’re stuck.”

I felt like a student who found out his online technical college wasn’t accredited. This was an expensive waste of time. Shitty-shitty-bang-bang, wah-wah-wah. The whining and apathy probably wasn’t easy to listen to, but luckily Joel couldn’t figure out a good way to kick me out of the car at the nearest bus stop.

I try to take the dog on at least one 5 mile walk every day during the few hours of winter daylight. These extended walks are perfect for thinking things through. During today’s walk I reminded myself of why I chose to go to UMN and not a free school:

  1. Prestige does matter. The arbitrary rankings create a very real pecking order and stigmatize students from poorly ranked schools. When I run into a student who goes to Bumble Law School I am reminded of the sweeping sense of inferiority I felt as an undergrad at the University of Miami. The most important part of being at a (relatively) prestigious school is not wondering “what if?”
  2. The cliché is misstated, but the gist true. You can’t really do anything with a law degree, but the most important thing that is taught in law school is the art of ass busting.1 My job prospects as a BA in English and History only involved an espresso machine or a price scanner. I may still end up working with espresso machines or price scanners, but the difference is the work ethic and professionalism I have acquired in law school will allow me to advance quickly in whatever company I end up in. 2

The ass busting skill is the most vital one to develop in law school. Most of the other stuff is superficial and unspeakably irrelevant in the real world.

I am MacGyver, and I attend a school of MacGyvers.

macgyver

This is exactly why this is going to be a stress-free finals season – it’s not about the grade, but about working hard and learning the material. The point is not being able to make a rocket out of a ballpoint pen and a paper clip better than the next guy, but to be able to make the rocket out of the ballpoint pen. Once we get outside of the McGuiver academy we can use our skills in the real world, and good things will happen.3


1 Work hard, smart, and crushing the competition with a smile. One of the best ways to teach people to work hard is to find the smartest students and grade them on a curve. Even the C student in that situation knows how to bust his (or her) ass, and will be fine in the real world. This is why the vast majority of UMN students pass the bar, and go on to succeed in a variety of random career fields.
2 What is outrageous is that one of my orientation speakers told me this last year – she said that the point of law school is not the perfect grades, the journal position, or national ABA moot court team – the point is to learn how to work hard and graduate. I guess I just had to come to that conclusion myself…
3 Method vs. result… akin to the true athlete and the person who ruins their health for the temporary beach body.

May 11th, 2009

The Final Crimlaw lesson

I took my Criminal Law final this afternoon. It was basically a typing contest.

Me: “That was special.”
Jill: “Yeah. Oh my god…I feel like I’m out of breath or something!”

I actually enjoyed studying for the Crimlaw final. It’s amazing how much a class can suck all of the life out of a subject.

I had a sneaking feeling all semester that if I only “delved into the material” more, that I would actually like the class. Hm. Next time!

May 10th, 2009

Best Week Ever #16: yellow love and the creep

I think that thing they call spring is here.

The grass started turning green a month ago, but the trees have remained leafless – until this week. Sometime overnight all the trees decided to blossom.

It’s as if the mayor pressed some secret spring button.1

I feel like I’m in some parallel Paula Dean Garden universe. I got so used to winter that I forgot that there are other seasons…

Harley and I spent the week exploring the extensive park system in the neighborhood. The amount of parks, lakes, and nature trails surrounding downtown is ridiculous.

I suspect I moved back to Germany and no one has told me yet, especially when I look at the Fachwerk houses in the neighborhood:

I need to stop bringing coffee on these walks. The same thing happens every time: I start the walk with a cup of coffee and when we are 4 or 5 miles from home I realize “oh shit, I need to pee.

This is of course the point when Harley gets tired and is all, “wait, why are we rushing all of the sudden?”

He then decides that every tree, squirrel, and gardener is worth inspection.

My bladder starts crying…and disaster strikes.2

And don’t be fooled by the “Minnesota Nice” stereotype – even Minnesotans will give you filthy looks when you’re raging down the street, screaming “GOD DAMN DA COFF-FAAAY!!!” while grabbing your crotch and dragging a 100lb dog…

There have been plenty of times this week when I’ve wanted to scream upon getting home. Harley has started trashing the apartment.

I tweeted about the destruction and was directed by @Karpul to this article on the Humane Society Website. The topic? Dog Separation Anxiety. The gist? He’s destroying the apartment because he misses me and loves me.

Now before you say “awe” remember I am not seeing love when I’m cleaning up shredded novels marinating in puddles of piss.

No. That ain’t love.

And of course the article says scolding the dog will ONLY MAKE IT WORSE!

Well… crap!

You mean I come home to a destroyed, pee-soaked apartment and I can’t bitch at anyone? This is supremely unfair.

And the most ridiculous thing is that Harley didn’t start this chaos until recently. I guess that means he didn’t like me enough before…

In order to help him adjust, I decided to study at Dunn Brothers today. I left Harley a pork bone and hoped for the best. Of course he completely demolished the kitchen – broke dishes, dragged the trash everywhere, and then pissed all over the front door.

And no, he did not need to pee – we had gone on a two hour walk this morning. Minneapolis is perfumed with this dog’s pee. It was pure spite…or according to the humane society, yellow love…

One redeeming thing about Harley is his “don’t mess with me or I’ll eat you” size. He even keeps Meth Molly away.

However, Harley’s size did fail to keep the crazy away this week – we were walking in Uptown (on Lyndale) when I saw this sketchtastic guy sitting at a bus stop across the street.

He was bald, pasty-white, emaciated, and had no eye brows ala Alexander Litvinenko (or Powder) and of course STARING RIGHT AT ME.

So I smiled politely and directed Harley down the street. Of course a few blocks later I see that powder had crossed the street and was storming down the sidewalk right behind us! I have seen waaay too many zombie movies for this to be okay. Seriously, this guy looked like the last day of chemo…or day 28

So I took a sharp turn and literally RAN down the block as much as I could before he made it to the corner. What the hay…

The sprint worked, but I ran into the creep at another bus stop on Hennepin. He glared at me from across the street. I wondered if Harley would catch whatever that guy had if Harley decided to eat him…

In addition to running from zombies and cleaning up pee, I took my first final exam this week. The subject was Property, and it was not as horrible as everyone expected. My only grief is that there were NO future interests/estates problems! Not a single one!

All that time spent on learning the vesting categories? A waste.

The $20 I spent on the supplemental future interest book? An utter waste…especially since I barely looked at the book…

Tomorrow is my Criminal Law Final, and Friday is Corporations. Crimlaw is strangely pleasant to study…which is odd given how incredibly dull that class was…

I’ve also spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about “what kind of law I want to practice” and decided that it’s a silly question. I am not so limited in my interests that I wouldn’t be perfectly content practicing in most fields. I know that seems sacrilegious to say, but I don’t think I’m the only person who likes law enough to be happy in most fields…

Heck, I think most students at my school would be open to most areas of law. And most of us feel silly when lawyers (and parents, and friends) ask us what field we want to practice in, since the first year of law school gives us no clue of what private practice is actually like.3

There are a few former Business School kids and future public defenders who know exactly what they want to do (to the exclusion of all other opportunities) but most of us have no idea…

The real question is what type of firm will hire me? I love my school, but I’m aware of its limitations. UMN is reputable enough that nearly everyone will pass the bar, but not so prestigious that everyone will have a job upon graduation.

I have decided that the answer is not to claw my way into the top 5% since even biglaw has its problems.

The point (for me at least) isn’t to get a prestigious job just because that’s what everyone else is doing. My goal is to have a career that allows me to do challenging work and pay off my student loans before I’m 40.

…oh, and a job that allows me to afford dog training…since I’m sick of this yellow love business.


1 I’m pretty sure it’s between the “easy” button and the Taco Bell button.
2 And I can’t tie him up and run into a coffee shop or something because I always feel like a horrible dog owner doing that… plus I’m sure there’s some sort of ordinance against that.
3 I think that’s why next year’s 1Ls will be required to take a “work of the lawyer” course.

April 20th, 2009

Best Week Ever #13: Changes & Drama

The end is near! This past week was the week of changes and drama. Finals are creeping closer and so is the law review petition…

Oh and classes are still going on apparently. Most of my section has become impatient with classes. Here’s a rundown:

  • Crimlaw is a waste of time. Even the “nice” girl has stopped reading Crimlaw and simply outlines during class. We can tell that our professor is extremely knowledgeable, but he is a thoroughly inept teacher. Our professor is also late for almost every class. What the hey?The whole Crimlaw experience is exacerbated by Billy Scratch N’Sniff. Scratch N’Sniff (SNS) is a boy from the other section who spends the entire  class period scratching his nether regions. Yes, even during the double-session we had on rape. Actually, the sex crime topic prompted an unusual amount of participation from SNS…it was bizarre. And yes, he was scratching as he opined about rape. The horror
  • Corporations has really picked up. Several of my friends refused to take corporations because of Professor M’s verbal ticks1 but the professor has really relaxed and the stuttering has almost disappeared. The class is usually amusing, with Professor M taking plenty of pot-shots at the Delaware courts. I love it.
  • Property is a death march. I really like the subject but the class has become tedious. Professor P has a stiff, mechanical style and is relentless when questioning students.It’s really painful to watch. When a student doesn’t know the answer to a question, Professor P simply repeats the question. Over, and over. Have you ever seen two kids do that, “Yeah-huh, nuh-uh, yeah-huh” bit? That’s how questioning feels in Property. Today’s class was especially brutal. please let it be over soon…
  • But there is always Civil Procedure. I have been preaching the gospel of Professor V since last semester, but most of the section hasn’t come around until this semester. Professor V is the best professor ever and has amazing powerpoints. Today’s slides started with a Yogi Berra quote. Past classes have featured Diana Ross and Anna Nicole. I love it…although we’ve spent so much time on Erie/Hanna analysis that it better be on the exam…

On Thursday I was the distraught 1L in computer services when my laptop suggested that OneNote had deleted ALL OF MY NOTES. Yeah. I was almost the kid howling “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” in the study carrels. My laptop then proceeded to do this:

Unacceptable. Everything turned out alright, but I could have done without the 20 minutes of remmidemmi…

Things in the Gamma house have deteriorated ever since the trashing. The housemates are divided into two camps. People are pissed off and it is getting hard to be civil to Slovenly Housemate.

I tried really hard to be accommodating. But I’ve had to walk over too many beer bottles, pizza boxes, and Coke Zero cans. Slovenly’s friends are also annoying people and over WAY too much.

Charity stops here. I’m pissed off.2

There is going to be a contested election for house president within the next two weeks, but I’m done. I’m moving out after finals. I refuse to live in filth.

I visited an apartment building today that I’m probably going to move into. There were two apartments for rent. The first unit was a dank place on the bottom floor that rents for $575, and the second unit was a huge place on the top floor that rents for $650 a month.

The problem is that the huge apartment is…well, huge. Like, “I entertain” huge.

I’m negotiating a lease right now. We’ll see how it goes.

The building allows dogs, which is crucial. I need a canine running partner.

I arrived for the apartment showing a bit early so I stood outside of the building while talking on the phone. While I was on the phone, a lady left the apartment building with two small dogs.

I was on the phone with Jack  and mentioned that the humane society has a lot of pitbulls on its website. My main concern is that a formerly abused pitbull is going to have a flashback and rip my throat out in my sleep. EXTRA: MINNEAPOLIS LAW STUDENT MAULED TO DEATH. DUMBASS ADOPTED AN ABUSED VICIOUS DOG.

Of course potential-neighbor-lady overheard this and started writing down websites where I can find non-throat-ripping dogs. She then detailed the various substance abuse3 problems of the tenants. It looks like it’s going to be an interesting experience…

This was definitely the week of changes. In addition to the apartment hunt, I gave up Splenda and started running because I signed up for a marathon. The marathon is in October, but I’m training now. My first run was 3 miles. The next morning I was so sore that I thought “OH MY GOD I BROKE MYSELF!”

I bitched at myself for a good half hour before I went back and ran 6 miles. The 6 miles were not as painful as I expected. Running is a great people-watching opportunity. The funniest thing I saw was a gay guy walking a pair of chihuahuas.

How do I know he was gay? Well, besides the Juicy Couture sweatpants he was wearing… there was also the fact that his DOGS were sporting pink camouflage hoodies. Diva please.

I had two “Diva Please” moments at bars this week because I was mistaken for a 32 year-old TWICE.

I’m actually 22. I think it’s the beard that does it.

Ah well. Age is overrated, as Sloven Housemate has proven…


1 Professor M used to string together “uh, uh, um, ers” … he never went over six in a row though. Yes, we counted.

2 I refuse to lecture someone who is OLDER THAN ME about “how NOT to be the dirty irritating housemate.” If you haven’t learned how to respect your peers by college, then you have some deep character flaw that’s not getting fixed any time before your wife serves divorce papers on you…

3 Sounds like a UMiami dorm…

January 1st, 2009

Miami to Minneapolis: Best Year Ever

So what happened in 2008?

I graduated from college. During my last semester I did everything from bowling

…to exploring haunted missile bases/ insane asylums.

There were also trips to the clubhouse (South Beach, Little Havana, Wilton Manors, etc.)

Continue reading “Miami to Minneapolis: Best Year Ever” »

December 9th, 2008

Contracts Crisis Solved!

My bed is by the window, and I need to rethink that…

This morning around 5:30am, someone started shoveling. The grating of metal on concrete sounds like nails-on-chalkboard plus a pinch of hell.

I shook my fist and tried to go back to bed. Bah!

Luckily that was the worst part of my day. I got up 30 minutes later, made a comfort-food breakfast (pancakes, eggs, toast, green tea…) and then went to school for my final the: 8-hour “take home” Contracts exam.

Now, an 8-hour exam isn’t as bad as you might think. It felt more like having 8 hours to write a paper that I’ve already researched.

I arrive at school shortly after 8am, pick up my exam, and then scoot off to a library outside the law school.

I did my exam surrounded by intense, nerdy, scary, industrious undergrads. Around 3pm I skipped back to the law school, hit print, and handed in my exam. Contracts Crisis* Solved! (mimicking Paris).

Very few people actually take the “take home” exams home. Because what happens? Car accidents happen

Girl in hallway: “Yeah, so this morning someone almost rear ended me! Some hard honking stopped that… But then when I got onto the highway the two people in front of me spun out… god that’s my worst nightmare: missing an exam because I got in a wreck!”

Indeed. That whole getting maimed business is completely secondary concern when you’re in law school…

Plus, depending on how far you live, you’re going to lose an hour in commuting… not worth it.

So I have one exam down, and three more to go! Next is Thursday’s 8-hour Conlaw exam. Vöt!

Our Conlaw professor is holding a Q&A session for us in a few hours, so I haven’t gone home yet. I’m at Starbucks reading about the scandal of the day, and then reviewing the Conlaw outline…

********Update
Okay, I may have understated the situation when I said scandal. I’m at Starbucks literally gasping,…oh my goodness! Blagojevich royally fucked up. And you know Michelle Malkin is on the case…

*******Update #2
The official complaint is available here via the Dept. of Justice homepage


*contracts wasn’t really a crisis…it was absolutely painless.

December 4th, 2008

When to stop

I stop studying when I get this look:

It’ll be there in the morning!